Pregame (Prod By Chris Swanks)
Halloween night begins at a pregame at one of my homeboy’s apartment. I’m bringing liquor to the function and looking forward to enjoying the night without worry of the sins I’ll soon commit. It’s been a tough week at the Institute and to be frank, I’m tryna be faded as fuck for pretty much the entire night. I can sense my conscious worrying about my well being as I’m gulping down the liquor I provided and toking the blunt being passed around the living room. I’ll be good tho. My tolerance for liquor has definitely improved since Freshman year. The euphoria I’m feeling in this moment is something I could honestly live with forever. Is it Godly tho? Probably not but my God forgives. I’ll be good. I’ll be fine.
Spare Me (Prod By Meiser)
I’m actually going through the night with 2 other niggas I barely know but met through my homeboy. We’re all headed to this costume party at the AUC. All faded as fuck but managed to make it to the function alive. One of the niggas I barely knew told us to take a shot of the E&J he brought from the crib. I’m lit as hell at this point but take the shot anyways. I’m feeling great right now and every one of these AUC women looking like trouble. I gotta stop hanging with single niggas. I’ll be good tho. I’ll be fine. As long as I keep them out of my sight. We head into the hot and crowded house where the temptation to sin becomes even more enticing and enjoyable. I’m getting danced on more than I’ve ever gotten in my life from the same girl since I stepped foot in the function. I don't know if she feeling me but I should probably let her know I got a girlfriend right? You’ve been a faithful nigga for the past year, what happened now? These are all the things my good conscious questions as I’m putting this girl’s number into my phone. God spare me for the night. I'm going to do better tomorrow. I don't understand why my faithfulness is being tested and failing feels so good.
Vices (Prod by IGNORVNCE)
Deeper into the night we hop back into the whip to look for more moves. During the ride, I begin thinking about all the wrong I've done already tonight as well as the past couple of months. I find joy from lust. I find joy from the euphoria of weed and alcohol (there's something about that Henny). I find joy from late nights with the homies. I find joy from looking at, talking to, and comforting other women in ways I know I shouldn't. Doing what I want without caring about the feelings of my loved ones. The feelings of my Father. Where did my faith go? I was always told I can be selfish and now I'm starting to realize it. I hope my relationship with everyone I say I love isn't synonymous to the one with the God I love. Why am I giving less to people who give me all they have? I know I ain't living right but I'm doing nothing to be better. The raindrops tapping against my window have me thinking of my lack of purity, innocence, and cleanliness. My soul yearns for those things but I'm not tryna give it that yet. The vice is a cycle, one I don't want to end. I'll be good tho. I'll be fine.
Prayers (Prod By Meiser)
The night continues with more drinking and temptation. It's on the scary ride home I start asking myself "why does God's faithfulness to me stick so strong?" I want to have that strong of faith again... if I ever had it. I'm easily tempted by Satan and the world because my faith is weak and my relationships with loved ones are suffering. I lost my backbone. My support. The Bible on my phone reminds me daily that I have been sleeping on the word of God. I still ignore it though. This is probably my first time praying in a long while and that's only because I'm afraid of the pain my vice is starting to cause me. My God works in mysterious ways. Having this joyride become a potential danger to my life. I see what you're trying to tell me. I pray you allow me another last chance to prove I can be better.
Vision (Prod By Meiser)
Mold me into the man you want me to be cause I ain't living right is all that you see. I'm a sinner. I'm unfaithful. I'm a liar. I'm selfish. I lack faith in myself and relationships with people who truly care about me. I'll cut off some of my "friends" if I need to. Tell my family I love them more if I need to. Spend more time with Chelsi if I need to. Tell my real friends I appreciate them more if I need to. I want to steer onto the right path. This joyride can be destructive. I apologize for giving up on faith and entertaining the world. Being a son of the night sounds cool but there really is much more to life. I'd rather be the son I'm supposed to be. Keep me in your sight. Keep me focused. The plan was always to make it to heaven.